When I am worried I put my trust in You.


Psalms 56:3 “ When I am worried I put my trust in You. “ Recently, I’ve seen countless doctors where I’ve been diagnosed with a new illness or disease each week on top of the 20+ I’ve already had for the past 12 years. I’ve wondered why I’m not more concerned or worried. Everyone around me is worried. Everyone around me is making comments like “ well if you have all those things you’d feel like death. “ The fact of the matter is, I do feel like death. I feel like I’m dying. Every part of me is always in constant pain. It’s a struggle to get out of bed every morning or walk up and down the stairs. To me, I physically & mentally feel horrible. To me, my good days would be considered bad days for everyone else. My new normal is still pain but I’m so used it it. When our bodies are in crisis mode, our thoughts and feelings often follow. Our physical pain can easily translate into emotional pain. Our suffering can change our perspective on life. There will be days where you are consumed with darkness and there will be days where you feel encouraged and positive. I am not in control of how my life is suppose to be. I can not control parts of my health. I can not control and dwell on events of my past that caused these problems. I can’t make them go away. I’m not in control of any of it. Only God is. Worrying about it and worrying about all the future possibilities of future illnesses I will have will not keep it from happening. I’ve realized that in those moments where you feel most stuck, helpless, worried, wondering, & wishing, that it brings new strength that we never knew we had. I have surrendered my life to God. I’ve surrendered all my worries and frustrations and traded it in for peace and acceptance. I’ve learned endurance, perseverance, maturity, wisdom and learned how to be fulfilled without being full or filled. I trust in God’s will of my life and not my own. When something bad happens to you that you feel is so unfair remind yourself to ask “ How is God using me through this? “ , “ What is this teaching me? “ instead of dwelling on “ why is this happening to me? “